glimmerous_fop | (no subject)

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(no subject)

For not being able to keep our tryst this past Friday, I sincerely apologize Herr Henry, I was really looking forward to such a rare opportunity.

Unfortunately, recent events prevented me from contacting you, namely, I was too hideous and short to set eyes on you.

I hope I can make it up to you.

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...Yeah, I guess Greed's crew is still pissed off about that one time I impersonated him. Geez, you think they'd get over that by now.

Well, maybe you'll have a better appreciation of your fancy-ass house! You should see this as a lesson in humility and gratitude. In fact, you should be thanking me for giving you the opportunity to see what it's like living like the majority of us poor folks!

The villagers weren't too pleased to see you either.

I don't need humility and gratitude, I already know where I'm lucky...you're just extremely unlucky and bad with people.

...Lavi and I have been kinda filching food and clothes from the neighbors.

My luck's gonna change, just you wait! Once I get my hands on some advanced alchemy texts, things will really start looking up for me!

That explains it.

I probably won't be watching nearly as close as Greed will.

Hey! If they're just gonna leave things lying around for the taking, it's their own damn fault!

And here I was thinking you were his little watchdog or something. You're such a goodie two-shoes, after all.

You don't have any marketable skills, do you?

I just don't care, as long as you don't interfere with my life I have no reason to care. I don't work for Greed, I'm not a minion or a belonging, but I wouldn't betray him to you or anything. I like him and I think he prefers me not getting anymore involved with you that I can help.

...No, not really. At least, not with this body, anyway.

How can I? Even if I wanted to, I can't worldhop anymore, and I don't have my shapeshifting abilities, either! I'm sure you'll sleep at lot easier at night knowing that, huh?

A shame.

But you mentioned something about trying to get your powers back, if you manage that then we won't have any problems if you don't interfere in my life.

Shut up! I can still steal what I need. It's just harder now, that's all.

If you're gonna hang around Greed, then you're probably gonna get your life interfered with by way of him. That's just how it is. You should know that by now.

You wouldn't have to if you had a skill.

You can pick on Greed, it's your prerogative if you want to stick your head into the tiger's maw, just leave me out of it.

I could get skills! I just don't feel like it. Besides, why make an honest living when crime can pay so well? Just ask Greed about it!

But you're so involved with him that you get caught up in all his drama without even trying! It's like you're a magnet for that kind of thing.

He seems to be doing it better if that's the case.

If it's him then it's fine, if it's you using me to cause drama then it's not fine.

That's only because he's got a bunch of lackeys to do his grunt work for him.

Like I even need to use you to cause drama. You're pretty good at causing enough drama all on your own, you attention-whore.

Well there you go, that's Greed's skill. Charisma.

And yet you do, every chance you get, so do us both a favor and don't.

What, you're saying I don't have enough charisma? I've got more charisma in my little finger than Greed's got in his entire body!

I already said that I can't, so just shut up about it already! You're starting to sound like a broken record.

I guess the proof is in the pudding, Envy.

I don't mean that. There are other ways you can use me without taking my shape, that prank you pulled...and every time you try to irritate him by calling me his precious little peach or whatever it is you do to give off the wrong impression. That comes back on me too.

Which, by the way, you wouldn't let me eat while I was stuck in your body.

Heh heh... That was a pretty good prank, wasn't it? But seriously, you are his precious little peach, even if he won't admit it. That's why he gets so pissed off. It's not because it's not true, but because it is true, and he just doesn't want anyone to know. Kinda like some dumb kid with a school yard crush, you know?

Something tells me you didn't exactly follow my diet to the letter.

It was disgusting, I don't want to be part of it again. As for Greed, you're thinking about it too much.

Hey! You said, and I quote, "one parfait per day." You didn't say how big I could make it~♥ Don't worry! I didn't use the biggest glasses you had, so you know.

The way you both deny it makes me even more certain that it's true!

Yes, my body has been talking to me about the compromises you've been making with yourself.

I think you're delusional.

Oh? And what's it been saying, hm~? I might have cheated a little on the diet, but I've made up for it by taking plenty of baths and visiting that salon place you mentioned... I'm thinking maybe I could get used to having someone else take care of my hair for me~♥

You're entitled to your opinion, even if it's dead wrong.

If you say so, but I've noticed the change.

It's not, you've just got the wrong idea.

What change? I told you, I didn't dye your hair, or get any piercings, or tattoos, or stretch marks, or anything like that!

But if you're referring to the dog bite, that was not my fault, and you know it! If anything, I should be suing you for damages! Flea-bitten mutt needs some more obedience training, or something...

I mean weight, I notice the change in weight. I'm not pleased about it, but I guess it could be worse.

Oh, what, like one measly little pound! You still fit into all your clothes just fine!

And while we're on the subject of who's been abusing who's body... What the hell happened to my skin? Did you scrub it with sandpaper or something?!