glimmerous_fop | (no subject)

[When the video starts three attractive women, or what looks to be women, appear on the screen. Anyone who has ever met Klavier would recognize him instantly in spite of his very convincing feminine guise. Klavier is sitting behind the wheel of a stilled, topless, old-fashioned Cadillac trying to start the engine.]

[The engine doesn't start. So he tries again.]

[When the engine fails to start again one of his companions, standing on the outside of the car, looks over at him in disbelief.] Oh, no. It isn't? Uh-uh.

Almost. [Klavier looks frustrated yet composed and the voice that comes out of him is very light, as feminine as his appearance, and practiced] Pl-Please.

[A second companion cuts in sounding panicked] Now we're stuck here forever. I knew it.

See [The first companion leans into the car addressing Klavier] right now I could be in a comfortable, climate-controlled environment, on a transcontinental airline, enjoying my individual, package of peanuts, and my little complimentary warm towel, if it wasn't for what, what! The little…rent-a-tart! [snaps her fingers at the second companion]

I didn't ask to come on this trip, did I? [She rounds on the offending woman] No, I don't think so. Did I ask you to be makin' me over and jump all kinds of hoops like some circus poodle? No, I don't think so. Do I want to go to jail because of some cop-killer? [At this point there is a close-up of Klavier, being addressed as the cop-killer, and looking astounded] No, I don't think so. So as soon as we get to the next town, I'm jumping on the first man and I'm riding him all the way to New York City and away from you two puckered-up, stuck-up putas, 'cause this trip sucks! It sucks!

[Klavier turns around in his seat looking almost like a parent giving a child a lecture] After all we have done to include you, you would leave us so quickly?

Like that. [Snaps her fingers]

[Klavier steps out of the car, one hand on his hip and the other on the car door. The viewer can now see the full extent of his get up, a lilac colored cocktail dress with matching shoes and the legs to go with it surprisingly enough] All right. Well, since you have learned absolutely nothing, I am hereby stripping you of all your princess points. [Klavier does a series of hand gestures reminiscent of ripping a piece of paper to shreds and throwing them up in the air like so much confetti]

Ooh, that's voodoo. Let's go.

--You can't do that!

I think that Noxie I decided to take pity on this poor little boy in drag...

[Just then Klavier is interrupted by said Noxie] Excuse me? Excuse me?

And bring her along...

"Noxie and l"? Did I hear "Noxie and l"? Uh-uh, uh-h! No, no, no, no. "Noxie and l" didn't decide anything. Noxie got dragged into this by you!

[Klavier now turns to address Noxie instead of his other companion] Oh, and what about the two of you leaving poor Miss Vida [The viewer may not know who “Miss Vida” is but judging by the way Klavier is pointing at himself they could only assume that the stunning blond/Klavier is this “Miss Vida”] at...at...at...the hands of this...this possibly dead Sheriff Dullard? And you stayed stuck in this car like Mary Jo Kopechne!

Huh-uh.

[Gasps]

[Looking very put out he slips back behind the steering wheel and slams the door, ignore both of his companions in order to talk to what appears to be a picture frame] Oh, dear and oft-thanked Wong Foo, it's not that I'm asking for help. I am not that presumptuous. But if something... anything--

[Noxie rejoins Klavier in the car and Klavier makes another go at trying to start the engine.]

Maybe if somebody gave me back my princess points, I would do the hitchhiking thing and get us a ride.

[The sound of the starter cranking can be heard]

How you gonna hitchhike, huh, if there are no cars, stupid?

You don't know me very well, Creepela. I'm the Latina Marilyn Monroe. I got more legs than a bucket of chicken. [Walks off muttering insults in spanish]

[The engine fails again.]

[Looking frustrated Klavier places his fingers to his temple, it appears as though he‘s temporarily given up on the Cadillac] She's going to get herself kidnapped by some mountain man, and we will have to rescue her.

Why's she always gotta have the last word, huh?

((ooc: Klavier/Man In Drag 1/Man In Drag 2. And as a reference Klavier is reenacting this scene from To Wong Foo. This is his response to being in a creative slump, but characters are free to interpret it literally or any other way they'd like.))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, no, I still think you're a respectable lawyer... somewhat. I haven't seen you in action, yet.

Ah...well, you'd have to sit in the court room for some of that action, I try to keep that sort of business as separate from this community as possible. Though I do have a project in the works with a certain member of this community.

I see. Seems like you're busy wherever you go.

It can't be helped. You know what they say about idle hands being the devils workshop, Herr. I like to be challenged.

Oh, I know what you mean. May I ask what kind of project it is?

For my own safety I have to lock this.

I don't know if you keep up with the current events, but a member of the community wants a divorce. The only problem is he can't find a lawyer on his world to represent him without arresting him on sight. I offered to take his case even though I'm a prosecutor, I specialize in criminal trials. I'll have to go to his world, study up, pass the bar and get him his divorce. That's the project.

That was so nice of you. Have you two made any progress?

I'm a very generous man. So far we've discussed his terms, he wants joint custody of his daughter. We also discussed payment. As soon as I get everything together I'll be able to go to his world and move on from there.

Sounds like things are going pretty smoothly.

I think they will as long as I'm not discovered by the wife before everything has been settled. She seems terrifying.

Somehow it feels like I'm cheating on someone.

It would seem more like you're having an affair with the man.

Eh...an affair with the husband who is having an affair with another man and he wants to divorce his wife...it's like Jerry Springer. Fortunately for the both of us he's off limits.

Good, I wouldn't like you get mixed up in any of that business. Scarier than my job, I say.

That would be an embarrassment to my profession. Besides, the man isn't my type.

I can only wonder.

Wonder about what?

Your type?

Hmmm...someone with a will strong enough to match my own, ambition is good and a sense of humor is a must. I'm not sure I've ever really given it much thought.

Probably because you're married to your work.

Does it seem that way? I'm really good at what I do, I have no trouble admitting it. I guess when it come's to choosing lovers I let my aesthetics guide me without really thinking about it. Or are you saying I should look for something more fulfilling?

Nah, I'm not saying anything at all. I think it works best when you don't try too hard. That's my take on it.

A pearl of wisdom. I know of at least one person who could really use it.

Well, my advice is hardly sound when it comes to love. Glad you appreciate it, though.

I figure that bit of advice can be applied to other things as well.

I never realized it was so useful.

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herrglimmerous.livejournal.com - 2010-09-02 11:54 (UTC) - Expand

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man i forgot to say, I LOVE TO WONG FOO

oh god yes, I'm feeling so nostalgic. To Wong Foo = Epic!

Yesssss

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[locked] god i swear it's like looking at henry's future

[locked] lol he's welcome to hit klavier up in the future as well

[locked] oh most definitely haha

[locked] If Henry has a scary wifehis case should be exactly the same

[locked] his wife is a manipulative bitch but not scary rofl

[locked] oh that's good, Klavier's getting the scary vibes from Birkin's wife

[locked] hwahwahwa klavier may actually like henry's wife ;)

[locked] as long as she doesn't try to shank him she's a-okay!

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